Thirty.

Next month I turn 30. Maybe it's making me reflective. Maybe it's just today.

Ten years ago this September was 9/11, a day I can't forget and seem to be remembering more lately. It feels right to do something to recognise it this year. Something that will help me to look back, but to let go and look forwards too. I haven't quite figured that out yet, but it's going to happen.

Since that day, and maybe partly because of it, life has changed in many ways. I started to grow up. I started to figured out who I was.

God is real and I know that now because I know Him. Life has a whole lot more meaning.

There have been enormous ups and downs. I have walked through some very bleak days. I have come out the other end knowing myself infinitely more, beginning to learn how to love and to care about myself. Above all, I am increasingly aware of God's almighty grace to catch me in his loving arms, usually when I least expect it.

Seven months in South Africa changed me. A strange mixture of tough, but incredible and sweet, fond memories. The last two and a half years working as a nurse in the neonatal unit in Edinburgh has made me acutely aware of how precious life is and has shown me the meaning of compassion.

In the last two years I fell in love with and married a man who knows me, loves me and makes my life richer and fuller than I ever realised it could be.

There are times where darkness and fear linger. There are definitely moments when I feel like I'm walking backwards and wonder if there still is a way forward. In all of this though, I know that the Light can break through even the bleakest moments of life. There is Hope and there always will be.

Thank God for the last ten years. I'm now looking forward.